Good-bye Winter, Hello Stupid.

WTF, indeed...





Hi there - it's been a while, eh?



I know, I know - I am terrible. I've had a lot of stuff going on over the last few weeks. My Staycation ended, which is good for Ye Olde Banque Account, but not necessarily good for me maintaining this piece of work right here. Not to mention the fact that the end of WINTER dragged on and on, which sapped my will to live a little bit more than last year. All that being said - I'm going to try harder to maintain whatever the fuck it is I am doing here.




I'm totally going through Kari Ferrell withdrawal. The Hipster Grifter DTs are fucking terrible. My imaginary friend Kevin* made his very own Hipster Grifter at lunch last week, and I think he did it just to taunt me, because he has magical powers. I like Kevin - he's as twisted as I am. Sort of.


Someone needs to ramp up their sociopath-ish behavior, and make sure it gets documented, so I can stay entertained. And they should send me naked pictures. I like naked pictures.



ANYWAYS...


The last few days have seen my snarkability reach Threat Level Orange, which bodes well for getting some writing done. Unfortunately, according to the National Weather Service, this weekend will be glorious - so keeping myself tethered to this here geekbox isn't going to be a reality. After the length and nasty bitterness of the hopefully defunct Winter is behind us, it's best if I spend my time basking in the majesty of the Glowing Orb and soak up some good old Vitamin D.





I'm quite sure that I will see a fuck-ton of these morons crawling out of their crypts and into the park near my crib. Which will be great, because my camera phone is AWESOME. I hope to capture some of them in their unnatural habitat, to document the ghostly pallor of Childrensburg's finest and brightest stars.




And I'm pretty sure that at some point in the next few weeks we'll be making a journey down the Jersey Shore, where I'll be able to do the same kind of research on a totally different species of douchebag, albeit just as entertaining. I find this to be a good way to kill the time when I'd rather be writing, you know?




AND NOW I BRING YOU A GIFT:


Best Scott Baio/Scatman Crothers vehicle ever:




*Kevin and I both talk to The Wife about he and I hanging out and shit, but we're both so socially inept, that two years later we've just begun reading each other's shit on the interweb. How awesome is that? Also - I tried to text him tonight, to see if he wanted to get frozen yogurt with us. I sent what I thought was his number this - "Wanna get frozen yogurt with us, homo?" - and then got a phone call from a very angry Asian girl who could not pronounce anything resembling Engrish. Good times.